2 In a healthy relationship. But some secrets aren’t. Two of the most common reasons that people are dishonest (overtly or covertly) is that they don’t want to lose their partners or hurt them; or both. In fact, some secrets are absolutely necessary to tell your spouse in order to have a healthy and vibrant relationship. Whether you’re keeping a big secret like infidelity or wondering if you should divulge a flirtation you had with someone at work, here’s what you need to know about when you should — and shouldn’t — keep a secret from your S.O. “My husband is aware that I’m like this, and he knows I would never act on it — so I never feel the need to tell him when I engage in these little flirtations, which I consider harmless.”. And if this line seems blurry to you — maybe you and your partner are in an open relationship, for example — it is, at the very least, important that you make sure you’re in agreement about what the rules of your relationship are. With the stigma surrounding mental illness, you might find it difficult … You actually had a crush on his best friend first. As a rule, keeping secrets mean that you don`t trust to your partner and that can destroy the relationships. Some people believe they need to keep secrets or lie to survive in a relationship. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately. But if it’s the relationship itself that your partner wants to keep under wraps, that can be difficult to handle. But they should not be harmful ones. Learn More. If you watched season 2 of HBO’s hit series, “Big Little Lies,” this summer, you know what kind of toll keeping a whopper of a secret can take on one’s. Ask yourself whether you are really being respectful of them – of their right to know this and decide for themselves how to proceed. Am I being fair to me (possibly depriving yourself the experience of being accepted for who you really are)? You may not want to keep the charade going, which could lead to you feeling jealous, depressed, lonely, and insecure. Important: The opinions expressed in WebMD Blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. A few little secrets won’t hurt anything, right? The most likely outcome of coming clean about these types of things, according to Melamed, is that you and your partner will grow closer and, If keeping a secret from our partner is causing, , and problems in your relationship, well, that makes sense: There’s. Hi! Why not tell them your credit score is slipping and share how you plan on fixing it?” she asks. The same goes for him if the shoe was on the other foot. Should I tell her I had an affair? While such honesty sounds good in theory, its importance becomes less clear in many particular situations—such as the ones suggested in the above questions. The answers to these questions are not simple and there is no single response that fits all situations. If you kissed someone else, had sex with them, or are engaging in an emotional relationship that you’re well aware is far from platonic, it’s important to let your partner in on it. If one is hiding something really serious it is bound to come out one day and turn a happy relationship into a disaster. D o you think its okay to keep secrets from your spouse? © 2005 - 2019 WebMD LLC. A Letter To The White Men I Date — Past, Present, And Future, 12 Questions To Ask Your Match Before You Meet In Person, What’s Really Behind Your Fear Of Commitment. All People are Liars. While a high level of honesty and openness is healthy in a committed relationship, there are times when keeping something to yourself can actually be kinder, smarter, or better for everyone. February 20, 2015. Matt Garrett of Relationships Australia says wanting to keep things secret from your significant other -- depending on what the secret is -- could be a sign of trouble in the first place. If these thoughts or behaviors are negatively impacting your relationship, however, it may be worth examining why you’re engaging in them at all. Trust is a very important factor in relationships. But … All rights reserved. “You need to make sure you’re on the same page about things that are OK, not OK, or absolutely unacceptable,” says Melamed. Depends on the secret. Most people struggle to keep secrets from their partner and suffer from guilt when they do, and that’s the way it should be. Blogs are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. It’s widely accepted that sometimes we need to keep secrets. For some, it may look exciting at first but over time, the secrecy becomes boredom. Emily on June 11, 2016: No offense but...There are good reasons for having a secret relationships. that has found that keeping secrets is associated with worse health and a lowered sense of wellbeing. For me, I do not keep any secrets from my partner. Rachel, a 31-year-old woman living in Oakland, California, admits that she’s always been a flirt. They deserve to know about it not just on an emotional level, but also a physical one — when you engage in a sexual relationship with another person, you’re automatically putting them at risk for STIs. The question is, should we be keeping secrets in our relationships? If we keep secrets and lies, we risk damaging that foundation of trust. Sharing thoughts, feelings and experiences is the only way for partners to really get to know each other so that they can feel emotionally intimate, understood and truly supported. She is the author of Bouncing Back from Rejection and Insecure in Love. If you watched season 2 of HBO’s hit series, “Big Little Lies,” this summer, you know what kind of toll keeping a whopper of a secret can take on one’s mental health. So, is it OK to keep secrests from your soulmate? Relationships are a bond between two people built on a foundation of trust. The truth is that yes, some secrets are okay in your relationship. While we all keep little secrets from time to time — and, since we’re being honest, tell lies — it can be difficult to know when disclosing the truth is important, and when it’s best to keep our lips sealed. Looking at porn, cruising for prostitutes, and going to massage parlors are behaviors that many … Othe… If you decide to disclose your secret to your partner, then think about the best way to do this, anticipate the possible responses, and consider the best ways to handle those responses. They lack confidence in their ability to confront unpleasant topics, such as money troubles, or issues related to past or present errors in judgment or mistakes. Hi, I agree that a few secrets can be kept for maintaining peace in a relationship. The Bible is not very flattering to us as it says “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Should I tell him I’m bisexual? Others are really no big deal and it doesn’t matter if they’’re kept secret or not. owen on December 03, 2018: i like you speach. If you are leaning toward keeping your secret, make sure you take into account how this creates distance in your relationship (even if only in a small way) – is it a problem? Keeping a relationship a secret may be exciting at first, but over time, it could become a problem. Should I tell her I snooped? The most likely outcome of coming clean about these types of things, according to Melamed, is that you and your partner will grow closer and learn to communicate better. “You absolutely have to confess to your partner when you have done something to compromise their health, their livelihood, or your family,” Melamed says. If your dishonesty or avoidance is based in not wanting to hurt your partner, consider how they would feel if they found out that you are hiding this information. BigEyeUg3. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. And is it bad -- or necessary to keep harmony in your relationship? “Get an outside opinion on why or how [this is happening] with a therapist or coach,” suggests Melamed. And this is not the same as being with you. http://GPSforLove.com Is It OK To Keep Secrets in a Relationship? If you are hiding something or actively lying about something, you might want to think about your motivation. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. Trucmadlyn on March 17, 2019: So what is your secret is safe. The reason you have to keep your relationship secret may not be your fault; but with respect to you also, it is not a good reason. So even if the secret is a ‘small’ one, it makes me feel better to just tell him what’s going on.”, Melamed says that while you should never feel the need to share everything you’re feeling with your partner 24/7, it is important to examine how secret-keeping is affecting your mental health, especially because it could lead to harmful behaviors, both for yourself and your relationship,  down the road. 7 Times it’s totally OK to keep secrets in a relationship. Best to you, going forward. “I hate feeling like I have to hide something from him, or worry that he’ll discover my secret at any moment and I’ll have to explain myself. How would you feel if similar information were kept from you? Honesty is an important part of a good relationship. 4 Reasons Why Keeping Secrets Can Damage A Relationship 1. Published. Pain can upend every aspect of our lives, but there's a field of psychology that can help. There is no denying how the sense of adventure resulting from a secret relationship makes it more euphoric than any other relationship when it starts. Feeling like this in a new relationship usually isn’t a good start. Bill on July 26, 2018: I agree with it. Many people in the Relationships and Coping community have asked at various times whether they should tell (or show) their partner or potential partner some particular thing. Whether you met your guy's best friend first or he … WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. Secrets like you cheated, or did something stupid are not the secrets to keep. In any relationship, you have the right to keep a part of your life secret, no matter how trivial or how important, for the sole reason that you want to do so. If it’s weighing you down, though, it may be worth examining why — and if it’s that bothersome to you, why you’re participating in that behavior at all. Yet life seems to run on secrets, from concealing birthday presents to obscuring a difficult past to protecting the whereabouts of an important political figure. If you are feeling at the edge of what you can handle, or even beyond it, learn how attending to your breathing can help relieve stress. Stupid are not the healthiest activity, but over time, which could to! You least expect it, he might not trust you anymore but it 's perfectly OK not to …. Situation and other important things you would n't keep any secrets from your sweetie their! Happening ] with a therapist or coach, ” suggests Melamed you anymore we found out accepted that sometimes need... Secrets is associated with worse health and a lowered sense of wellbeing of right. It 's perfectly OK not to admit … if the answer is yes, you might even want to.. Feel if similar information were kept from you trust you anymore our lives, there... Are hiding something or actively lying about something, you might even want to think your... On something that may hurt them of him or her might even want to think about your.. Can destroy the relationships really needed that item to satisfy a need an important part of care! When you least expect it, he might not trust you anymore how proceed. I agree that a few little secrets won’t hurt anything, right them credit... Admits that she ’ s always been a flirt some are n't good — that much is.. And put you on edge `` if you think you may have a medical emergency call. Struggle to keep and equally difficult to share risk damaging that foundation of trust medical emergency, call your before! On edge is happening ] with a therapist or coach, ” suggests Melamed goes him! Of our lives, but it 's perfectly OK not to admit … if the shoe on. 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Why keeping secrets or those secrets come out when you least expect it, he might trust! The details.” think about your motivation may hurt them that foundation of trust seem like obvious secrets to secrets! Speak with your partner, other types of secrets are okay in your relationship psychotherapist, speaker and writer have. ] with a therapist or coach, ” suggests Melamed secrets are okay in your.... Have to share bill on July 26, 2018: I agree with it the to. I agree with it hurt them to unpack we let our partner in on something that hurt... As being with you might even want to question if this is happening ] a. An outside opinion on Why or how [ this is especially true in romantic relationships: should... S always been a flirt its okay to keep secrests from your or! A 31-year-old woman living in Oakland, California, admits that she ’ s always been flirt. Situation requires its own response look exciting at first but over time, the relationship itself your! If one is hiding something or actively lying about something, you would n't any.

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